In his pre-lockdown stand-up show, comedian Bill Bailey jokes about the British habit of understating happiness. He points out the phrase “not too bad” is a mental trap, pre-judging potential satisfaction from a negative starting point. Since the pandemic, rather than optimistically wringing joy from every moment, more and more people have slipped into a downward spiral of gloom and despondency.

Human motivation is a complex area of ongoing research. At the most simplistic level, behaviour is driven by three things: the desire to maintain comfort (avoid pain, maximise pleasure), remain at ease (expend minimal effort) and safeguard familiarity (stick with what you know). Inside the human psyche, anything deemed negative or “bad” alerts the mind to begin hunting out coping mechanisms.

Broadly speaking, the common approaches humans use to cope in negative situations boil down to avoidance, distraction or numbing. Intended to manage painful or difficult emotions, coping mechanisms are usually conscious strategies used in the face of stress or trauma. Sad to say, many such tactics work in the beginning, but become ineffective over time and can even provoke (unintended) negative consequences.

Adaptive coping mechanisms are the ones we all seek – these are healthy and effective ways to manage stressful situations! It may also surprise you that coping can prompt positive change. Neuroscience continues to demonstrate how the brain adapts in response to learning. Exciting studies on coping strategies highlight functional neuro-adaptations in the brain regions for emotion regulation and resilience. In short, scientific proof that adversity can even help you grow stronger!

Unfortunately, not all coping strategies are created equal. Maybe you know someone using these maladaptive (or unsuccessful) tactics?

  • Procrastination: beginning with delay ploys (often linked to overthinking or perfectionism) and resulting in a complete standstill plus zero motivation
  • Escapism: including withdrawal from friends and family, leading to intense social isolation
  • Self-distraction: starting with idle gossip, escalating to bitching and moaning, and culminating in bullying or other control issues
  • Risky behaviour (eg. reckless driving): initially designed to create an adrenalin rush, which later progress to compulsions like gambling, porn or unsafe sex
  • Self-pacifying: through occasional overeating, binge drinking, video games or other excesses
  • Self-silencing: where strategies surge from soothing or stimulating the senses and turn into self-sabotaging behaviour
  • Self-harm: maybe cutting, burning, secretive eating, alcohol dependency or drug abuse

In essence, coping amounts to avoiding, distracting yourself from or numbing the unpleasant or difficult emotions provoked by stressful or traumatic situations. And because emotional resolution is generally perceived to be a long and harrowing process, coping is usually seen as the only option.

Some happy news? There IS an alternative, a quick, safe and easy way to release negative emotions and achieve closure, without reliving the pain of the associated experiences. Get in touch now for details of our next emotional release workshop. In the meantime, encourage more joy into your world by adopting positive personal habits and redirecting your focus to three moments of contentment every day.